Time to change

i need to change everything in my blog from banner to the background. i just don't know how to do it. i hope there could be an angel who drops off in my blog and share his/her idea how to make one. i am also still waiting for my application in cdo bloggers, well its fun i think, i just need to be so busy in everything so i will not be able to attend too much on myself. i think it's time to work on the community and listen to what the society's need. 

Kung kaya lang basahin ng tao ang lahat ng libro

I decided to change my new header. From emote2x churbabels to something I can relate to. Books? Ngee! Honestly I don’t read books, yong mga nobelang wala akong maintindihan, hindi ako love ng libro at hindi ko rin love ang libro!! Fair enough!! Hahaha even if I don’t read books, I am attracted to books, I do not know why, every time I search for a wallpaper for my desktop I always look into books, modern or an old one.

If I am going to assess myself (naging psychiatrist na ako ngayon! Haha) siguro books because there are a lot of stories behind my personality, like I have been telling lately that I am not a talky type of person noon, I seldom throw jokes or maybe I am not a humorous person pero a lot of people didn’t know that my mind so wide grin! Lels!! OO! At hindi bagay sa akin ang magjoke sa totoo lang!! hahaha kasi I always look so serious and matured whenever I talked pero magkasubokan nalang tayo! Hahaha hinahamon ko na sarili ko ngayon!! Hahaha

I chose that old books on the shelf kasi parang isang magnet talaga ang picture na yan sakin, maybe because behind that book there’s a lot of things to learn kagaya rin ng buhay ko, I have been into a lot of trials sa buhay ko, feeling ko nga ngayon ko lang nakita ang sarili ko, ngayon ko lang nabuksan ang libro ng buhay ko through this blog. Dumaan na nga ako sa depression na ngayon ko lang din naintindihan through my social work class, ichichika ko nalang sa inyo sa susunod kong entry what really happened sa depression kong iyon!! Hahaha mga chismoso at chismosa na kayo niyan!! LELS!!

Sa next na entry ko na ang chismis!! Kahit malapit na ako sa calendar kaya ko pa rin ang mambitin sa kahit anong pakiramdam pa man yan!! hahaha

Age is not unlimited like globe telecom

There is a mixed emotion that I myself don’t even understand what the hell is going on with me and my current emotions. I feel so empty. I think that’s the right word. I tried to search and find myself. I keep on pretending that I am okay, na kaya ko ang lahat even my heart bleeds. i have my friends with me na nakakasabay kong tumawa pero after ng tawa biglang wala na naman, I feel empty pa rin.

Maybe dumating na sa point ng life ko that i am ready to re-open my heart again, ready ako pero I am not even sure enough kung kaya ko ba. I know I have my dreams now, I am working with my dreams and even that I found that fulfillment parang may kulang pa rin. I am trying to search what I really want now, I keep on reading, talking  pero there’s still kulang in between.

 

I believed that we don’t need to search for the person we want to love for, it will just come on the time the least we expect to an unexpected place. How long I will have to wait for him. Parang ang bilis ng panahon ngayon, sa dami ng ginagawa natin sa buhay araw2x mas lalong mabilis ang oras lumiit din ang mundo. I felt that hindi na tayo aabot sa 70^th birthday natin para makapagblog ng makapagblog, unlimited nato pero ang buhay natin hindi naman kasing unlimited ng globe or smart. Lol

 

Midlife sickness or crisis ata tong naramdaman ko ngayon!! Hahaha punyetahs!!! hahaha

Behind resurgence blog

I have been blogging kung ano2x lately but I forgot to tell something kung ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin  ng resurgence, this means revival. Revival kasi  I could say now na I am ready to open everything what’s on my mind without any  hesitation or limitation, before I always have this apprehension of sharing my life because I am afraid to be judged or hindi ko lang talaga type magkwento ng kung ano2x sa buhay ko. Ngayon dahil mas naging makapal ang mukha ko kaya ikarir ko nato!! Lol

Resurgence kasi ito na ang bago kong buhay, I could say now that I have a new life in blogging, I have tried a lot of times noon magblog pero dahil feeling ko wala akong makwento kaya hindi natutuloy ang karir ko sa blog plus the fact that I am conscious with what I am going to tell the world but now wala ng conscious2x na yan, kung baga bahala na si superman sa akin ngayon!!

 

I have changed a lot I know, I always tell that to my closest friends that the person you knew in me before is not the person anymore now. Mas naging open minded ako when I started to study social work, it has a great influence in my life dahil ito ako ngayon nagsusulat, nagbblog, may lakas ng loob magsabi kung ano ang nangyayari sa buhay ko whereas noon as much as possible I want it everything in private, ngayon LADLARAN nato!! Hahaha open arms and open legs na kung baga!! Hahaha yes hello!! Go!! 

Another blog chapter begins

It’s been almost three months since the last time I updated my blog. There are actually a lot of thoughts that runs through my mind along those months of being silent here, only that I just couldn’t force myself to blog on it, I just need a little inspiration to do that, aside from being busy from work and school, there are also personal issues that I need to attend it first before anything else. I missed blogging.

As I have promised myself for this 2012, I will make it sure that this time I will complete the 12 months of the year with full of updates in my life – personal or not. This is also a thing that I need to do in order for me to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned along my journey in life.

I supposed to write an update about my birthday yesterday but as I have said, I need an inspiration to push me to blog the important events of my life. I have been sick for almost 9 days so partly I am losing my willingness to do things I wanted to do. Now I am getting better and I can finally manage to think, smile and eat well.

So, another blog chapter begins!!

Christmas without you

Today is the last day of August and tomorrow will be the start of “BER” September, October, November and December. This means that Christmas is almost again to happen. Personally, there would be a lot of changes this year. We will celebrate Christmas without my mom.

Sometimes I don’t want to mention about my mom because it always reminds me of what life we have been, what pain we went through, I always remember how much she suffered from pain because of the people wants to see her in despair. I could always think of revenge but what will be the benefit I will have if I take an action soon, what I could get, it’s nothing!  

I am trying to reconstruct my life now; I am starting all over again. I am trying to move on and forget what we have been. Christmas won’t be the same without mom, I am sure of that. Gonna miss her chocolate cake, humba, chicken binacol, sapin-sapin, ube jam, suman, etc. all I wish that someday whatever pain I have now will be healed soon.

I am facing now the greatest challenge in my life, to prove and stand in behalf of my mom, I know I will never be like her but one thing I know, I can do something more. There are still unfinished issues in my life and I want to start it now without any hesitations. This time I am willing to face whatever failures will come my way, I guess I am now ready to face another chapter of my life with bravery.  Like what I always told myself, “I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again!” it will never be a perfect journey but at least now I am trying to give more what I have given in the past. 

Random thoughts came

I have been busy lately so I was not able to update my personal blog. It is I think also my choice to keep myself again away from emotions and thoughts. I’ve been dealing a lot personally and I just want to escape it for a moment. I gave a thought that one day I am going to treat myself outside the city, a place where I can only see mountains, rivers and trees, I just wanted to ease the pain I felt it, I just want to run away from reality.

When I started to go back to school, I decided to leave everything behind, my old blog which has been my life, my world and a friend to me. I told myself now that I am going to take another hit this time, another world where I can jive in, I can talk with my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts and my passion. I am not good in writing, but I certainly believed that in blogging, no one will correct you; no one orders you what to write. One motto I have in blogging was “blog ko ‘to, wag kang makialam, gumawa ka ng sarili mo lol!”

It has been tough to leave the old life and start a new one, in all things. I am not sure if this time; I will find the happiness I found in my old blog, I am not also sure if this time everything will be real. I am still sure of giving my all, myself to the things I love to do, my passion in blogging. Life is different now, it may be hard but I know it’s the best way after all.